A Very UMA Christmas
by Dr. Captain Pepper
Summary: All he wanted, was to get the flip away... T for cussing. Giftfic for Squalosaurus.


**Hey Howdy Hey  
><strong>I'm on a boat.

Lol, not really. But I am back to writing (procrastinating my packing lol). But today I have here are Gokudera/Shittopi fic for a lovely writer by the pen name of **Squalosaurus**. She is a preshhhh. A lovely beta. A fangirl. A real McCoy. So on and so forth.

She's cool.

Read her crack fics and die.

**Now for some Protocol:  
><strong>word count: 2,159

[I do not own any KHR characters]  
>I just fawn on them weekly<p>

Give lovey loves to Ausumist for playing beta.

=Advice/Comments are loved=

**.Captain.**

* * *

><p>It was a gallant stride. Silently did a pair of worn in sneakers pace down the city sidewalk. Indifferently unimpressed was the expression on the shoe wearer's face. Cold wind isn't on the list of things this person liked. Then again, there really wasn't much on that list to begin with.<p>

Regardless, it was another usual walk down the city streets for Hayato Gokudera, who had left the suburban expanse of Nami and was walking through the business strip of town. Being three in the morning, he was satisfied with finding nothing suspicious during his nightly check of the Sawada household. Under the brightly lit streetlamps the sleepy teenager ambled home, that was, until he tripped over his own footstep. But let's not forget how cool Gokudera has always been, Tenth's right hand man did nothing as shameful as trip over his own feet.

There was a rock that was out to get him, thought the silver-haired boy.

Yes, this was exactly what the boy thought as he glared at the concrete sidewalk behind him. The sidewalk that easily scraped his fair skin thought he was an idiot. Seriously, _who trips over their own feet at fifteen?_ Hayato Gokudera, apparently.

Thank the powers that prevent concrete from actually talking, or else it could have possibly faced a beating for such a comment. Of course, sidewalks couldn't talk, and Gokudera wouldn't have bothered listening to a talking sidewalk, so all was safe for the concrete sidewalk in the business district of Namimori. It was also safe for the corner street bum that saw Gokudera's _stumble_. As he loudly pointed and laughed at the green-eyed boy, Hayato grumbled and marched on. The teenage heartbreaker didn't see any sense in beating up a bum—that shit reflects on his reputation as Tenth's right hand.

So Hayato advanced. The concrete tried to yell at him for being Gokudera, the ruthless right hand ruffian up at three in the freaking morning; the bum laughed at him for being stupid boy with a now scraped right hand; and the tiny shops Gokudera passed, wondered what the heck this silver-haired foreigner was doing up at three in the freaking morning—with a scraped right hand. Everything thought Gokudera was a little crazy. Well, everyone but a certain girl by the pen name of P. Shitt.

P. Shitt.

Gokudera was feeling very sleepy at this point of his trip, so he was only focused on the slab of urban sprawl leading to his tiny studio apartment. If the kid had played it smart by drinking a Redbull or Monster or whatever those hipsters like to drink to preemptively cause heart attacks, then Gokudera would have noticed this random silhouette inside one of the many shops he passed on his usual trek home.

Oh wait, he did. And it freaked him out something fierce.

As Gokudera was passing Namimori _Sew n' Stuff_, he was taken aback by the only U.M.A. he's ever met. Inside the shop's display area was a scenic view of a beautiful, sandy beach. The sand looked very real. Really, the whole setting looked very realistic and picturesque. Gokudera took a moment, looking at the coastal scene in a moment of nostalgia.

Of course, this infinitesimal moment of happiness was ruined with someone chiming Pi's, Pu's and Po's like they were no one's business. No one knows this, but these are the sounds an U.M.A. makes when their _spidey-senses_ are tingling. Spidey-senses or not, Hayato lost his beach side memory to Pu Pi Po and the crazy person chiming it.

P. Shitt.

There was his NOT beloved Shittopi-chan lying inside the shop's display outlook, sprawled out to take in some fluorescent rays (P. Shitt loves to fake bake). And whilst enjoying her fake baking in the scenic beach spectacle, Shittopi-chan was totally wearing Wonder Woman's spandex costume that screams America. She even had the bangles of justice. Hayato jerked back with an incredulous glare etched on his face. He looked away, rubbed his eyes, and did a double take.

P. Shitt was still in the window, fake baking at three in the morning.

"Geh! Shittopi-chan?"

Hayato was wondering what the hell an U.M.A. was doing in a shop window at three in the morning.

Shittopi's red eyes immediately opened. "Snuggylus Maximus?"

"Shit."

Gokudera only glared for a second longer, before breaking out into an immediate sprint. It was extremely bad luck on his behalf that he ran into the crazy U.M.A. girl that was usually stalking him, especially at this time. He had to lose her as soon as possible or else he faced P. Shitt knowing where he lived.

Last thing he needed was P. Shitt being a P. Tom.

Although Hayato Gokudera was blessed with some sweet running skills, Shittopi had some skill too. As Vongola's Tenth Storm Guardian raced down the sidewalk, he heard glass shatter behind him. He also heard an alarm going off too, but neither sound mattered. The boy instantly turned down a familiar alleyway and began to test his theory of serpentine running. He was sure it would confuse the U.M.A. Though the S-shaped travel really slowed him down, it was a slow down for the sake of science.

He really thought he was doing a great job too. There was Hayato the serpentine running fool. He was thinking like a snake, slithering left and right. He was presuming that is was working because his theory was perfect. He was looking like an idiot—for science. Then came hesitation. Before long, the only noises aloft were his gasping breaths and stamping feet. So he checked his back whilst veering towards the left and ran into something. It was something cold. It was something hard. It was something like a brick wall.

Lesson on serpentine-style running: don't look back; you could run into a brick wall.

Gokudera will actually forget this rule two more times. Enma and Koyo will see one of these moments. Hayato will blame both incidents on rocks. No one will believe him—except Kyoko.

But the Storm Guardian smacked into the brick wall_ thanks to rocks_ and immediately fell to the ground. Little did he know, P. Shitt (the U.M.A. who didn't become confused by the serpentine tracks) was standing right next to the point of impact. She saw the whole incident. She will believe his excuse about the rocks for two minutes. Unthinking, she found the Gokudera's expression amusing enough to giggle. Gokudera heard the giggles, and swiftly looked towards the U.M.A. who saw it all.

He grumbled. "Tch. Damn rocks…"

P. Shitt looked at the asphalt under them, noticing all the tiny rocks in the black pavement. "It seems the Snuggylus Maximus often fall prey to the evil doings of rocks."

Hayato looked up to the U.M.A. dressed as Wonder Woman. Right as he was about to tell her to go the hell away, Shittopi crouched down flawlessly in her red and white platform boots and smashed Gokudera's face into her chest she was so proud of.

"Now to test my theory of healing the mysterious animal! Surely cute Gokudera-kun will feel much better after being suffocated by my big tits."

"Get the hell off me, bitch!"

Without thinking about it, Hayato grabbed her and pushed himself away from her. His face was beat red. His hands were then noticed—on the healing chest. Snuggylus Maximus became more flushed. It took another second for his brain to compute letting go of the gold plastered chest.

P. Shitt smirks in a plastic fashion. "I knew Gokudera-kun would feel much better. It seems he is even gaining self-confidence. You grabbed my tits hard."

Hayato glares at her. "Get away from me!"

In the moment that he was pushing himself away from P. Shitt, his eyes glanced to the sky. He stopped. Then his body relaxed, and his eyes began to emulate those of a child in wonder. Shittopi-chan found the act to be very interesting. Her curiosity brimmed, causing her eyes to drift to the sky as well.

Looking up to the starless sky, the U.M.A. asked, "What is it Gokudera-kun?"

"I didn't notice the Christmas lights strung around the buildings until now." His eyes sharpen, honing in on the electrical strings holding the colorful little bulbs in place. Then he noticed something else. The little mystery landed on the tip of his nose.

"Snow?" He asked.

Shittopi looked at the small white flurries now dancing out of sync to each other, but easily following the light whistle of the wind. She found this moment to be a very arresting one too. But as her red eyes averted back to Gokudera's, she realized that Hayato was on in this wavelength. He actually looked—

She moved next to the slouched Strom Guardian. "You do not find the snow magnetic?"

He stayed silent, eyes fixated on his dirty Converse.

"I want to catch snowflakes with my eyeballs."

Gokudera's glare slid to the girl crouched next to him.

Her head cocked to the side. "Don't worry, I will try to catch some for you too cute Gokudera-kun."

The U.M.A. stood and began aimlessly prancing around the alleyway in attempt to feel snow touch her eyeballs. Hayato slightly watched, but often shifted his glance back to his scraped hands. He felt anguish. There was even enough for him to mutter it aloud. "I can't believe I forgot Christmas… I didn't even give Tenth a present…"

Tonight is Christmas Eve.

P. Shitt halted, taking a second to try and contemplate why giving _Useless Tsuna-kun_ a Christmas present was so important. As her head tilted towards the sky once more, to further contemplate, one snowflake caressed her eye. The small flake, that couldn't have been much larger than a ballpoint of a pen, left a small part of her eye cold for a moment. It was sad fascination. There were crocodile tears that deeply desired to fall for that one instant. But they never even began to swell. She only looked back to Hayato.

Then the U.M.A. got an idea.

A girl with an idea…

Gokudera then remembered that he needed to be heading home since there would be school in a few hours. So he stood, but was caught off guard by the Wonder Woman standing in front of him with that crazy, Barbie-like smile she wore sometimes. Those times where she had an idea; Gokudera became afraid at once. There was even a man by the name of Tetsuya, who was having a nightmare because of that smile. His pompadour was in complete disarray as he tossed and turned in his twin-sized bed.

Before Hayato could even begin an escape, the U.M.A. grabbed his hand. "I know exactly what your useless boss wants for Christmas."

The Storm Guardian then followed Shittopi-chan's hands that swiftly and gently clasped his. Then those jade green eyes darted back into the U.M.A.'s eyes that resembled rubies. He blushed slightly noting how pretty they looked under the glow of Christmas lights. He would've stared longer, but was taken aback by Shittopi-chan's next move. She licked his hand. Her tongue. His hand.

Hayato was grossed out to the extreme.

The Storm Guardian tried to yank his hand away immediately. P Shitt had an amazing grip (like a man). She gave the scraped right hand one more lick before making the spit-ridden hand smack the back of her thigh. Gokudera had not noticed, but on her thunder thighs of justice were tiny remnants of her fake baking. Finally was Hayato able to pull his hand away. He glared at the sand. Then he glared at the licker.

She stared at him innocently. "There. You can give your boss some right hand sand. I am sure he will accept it graciously."

Hayato began a wonderful presentation of _the stink eye_.

"Oh. You want a Christmas too?"

"I don't want any fucking sand!"

The U.M.A. paused for a second before pulling close to her. His eyes widened and left him immediately springing himself into react. He pushed himself away and caught a glimpse off his Christmas present. To all appearances, Gokudera witnessed the U.M.A. pull out a little Ziploc back full of pickled ginger out of her cleavage. Then came that disgusted look again.

Shittopi stepped forward and placed the little plastic bag full of sushi condiments into his hand. Gokudera could only stand there weirdly as he accepted the strange gift.

"I take it with me everywhere."

Hayato realized he didn't know everything about U.M.A.s.

"Merry Christmas Gokudera-kun."

Slender fingers brushed through silver hair. Green and Red eyes aligned. Lips glossed in a sticky shine pressed a kiss on a scraped cheek. Then the sound of platform boots tromped away. But in the alleyway aglow in the festive colors of Christmas, a peculiar Storm Guardian stood with cheeks tickled pink.

With one more glance to the sky, the boy decided that this was the weirdest Christmas he ever experienced.

"Tch, fucking rocks."


End file.
